I think I figured out my problem - I am hooked on the penis power. I had no idea until I was enlightened by this absolutely hilarious clip from Atlanta Public Access tv.
I know you are not going to want to watch the whole thing but it is SO worth it. If the promise of hearing this woman talk about men who "spank you and talk to you all kind of ways" when they hit the bottom of your vagina isn't enough to get you to go, maybe the following dialogue is:
"(The rabbit vibrator) the design of it, it jump up all on the clitoris, just jump out of control and make the woman have a incredible orgasm. That's the mechanical jackrabbit for the clit."
"Some men have so much heat and intensity in they penis, that you can feel it radiatin' through they clothes, just to touch the penis, it's on fire, feel like it's fire underneath the skin."
And it only gets better. At about 3:30 there is an unbelievable line about a shrimp platter at Long John Silver.
Public access in Atlanta is SO much better than here.